If I gave you my heart,would you just play the part?

For each and every step I take,it leads me back to you
&I fear when I'm awake,my dreams would not come true.

Just when I realise,that dreams and reality are two fucking worlds apart,
and I hate it when life has to be so fucked up.
We all carry these things inside that no one else can see,
they hold us down like anchors and they drown us out at sea.
So can someone please tell me,what the hell is life all about actually?

Good or bad,happy or sad.

You must learn to take the good with the bad,the happy with the sad,
love what you’ve got and remember what you had.
Learn to forgive, but never forget,learn from your mistakes but never regret.
People change and things go wrong,but you just have to remember that life goes on.

When I lose myself I think of you,

Had Ben and Jerry's Strawberry cheesecake Ice Cream,while watching teevee just now.
And I got reminded of you. I remember how we used to sit infront of the televison,
every weekday to catch our show at 11pm and you'll rush of to catch your last bus home at 12.
At the same time,we used to eat this for supper while watching our show.
Even the food I eat reminds me of you,I cannot imagine how much of us is deeply etched in me.
I don't know if you still remember,but I still do.
Sometimes,I don't know if I'd rather forget all these or keep them with me instead.
Remembering them hurt at times and it scares me,cause you're no longer around to do all these with me.
But then again,remembering them brings a smile to my face everytime,cause at least we had those moments.
I can't figure out what I want now,I feel lost.


"Its hard to wait around for something,you know might never happen.
But its even harder to give up something,that you know its everything you ever wanted."
&Its you,that is all that I ever wanted.
But you just seem to be getting futher and futher away,from my league.

I'd like to add here,get well soon all those who are sick.
&Also you,you tend to fall sick very often,
So please take good care of yourself. &Definately,get well soon too.

29th April 2010,

On this very special day,I'd like to wish Joey a Happy legal 18th Birthday!
Happy Birthday Joey,you turn 18th today. I hope that this years birthday,would be a memorable one for you.
Through 5 years of bitching and fighting with each other,we both turned out as close friends now.
Its amazing isn't it? Seeing how,we once never liked the fact that each other existed.
Never like the fact of seeing each other in school everyday,that very reason why we hated each other.
Remember how we met in Sec 1? Haha yes. I still remember you asking to go recess together,
talking about our favourite boy band,( I cannot believe how crazy I was over that stupid boyband)
Yes,5566. Laugh all you want,(damn we were actually that straight before. LOL!)
Thats how we started talking to each other,the way I remembered it.
So it turned out later on in Sjc days we didn't like each other,but I am defiantely glad that we've ended up like this.
Hope you will have a wonderful 18th Birthday today,once again happy birthday Joey. (L)
May this be a day,of wishes and dreams come true for you.
Love Rachael.

&I'll promise you,you'll never walk alone.

This is a crazy world,this can be lonely days.
Its hard to know who's on your side,most of the time.
Who can you really trust? Who do you really know?
Is there anybody out there,who can make you feel less alone?
Sometimes you just can't make it on your own.
If you have broken dreams,just lay them all on me
I'll be the one who understands,so take my hand
If you reach emptyness,you know I'll do my best
To fill you up with all the love,that I can show someone.

&I promise you you'll never walk alone.

If you need a place where you can run,

If you need a shoulder to lie on,I'll always be your friend.
So when you need some shelter from the rain,when you need a healer for your pain.
I will be there time and time again,when you need someone to love you,here I am.

Tomorrow and today,beside you all the way.

So today wasn't much of a different day from the rest.
Spent my day out,roaming the streets as usual.
Went to Tamp today and got a new casing for my phone,mad pretty. (:
But the sad thing is,Beeps tried to take off my two little ice-creams stucked at the top,
and got the screen protector damaged. Oh well,I shall get the mirror one then.
Down to PS later on to meet Big D for awhile,supposedly have supper with him but change of plans.
Big D rocks maximum today though,he got my data plan done for me!
Yay for data plan nowwww. Right,thats bout it for today.
Tomorrow's gonna be stay home I guess,since there aren't any plans.
Damn Itunes,I still cannot create my explosive ringtone. ): Stupid Itunes.
I think,I should sleep early. Cause if I don't,I'm gonna continue to think even more.
Why are you like,stucked in my head? Its been the longest time&you haven't stepped out one bit.
Just why,do I miss you so much.
Alright,I should really go now. Goodnight sweethearts,hope today will be a better day. (Since its passed 12)
&I hope yours would be happy everyday. To be honest,I don't like seeing you like this.
I think you know,I really don't.

&As for Irene, (Not you,Asshole. Hahaha)
I've read your comment,but since you don't wish for it to be posted it won't be. (:
I am honoured that,for the fact that I am 2x younger than you,but you'd still look to me for inspirations.
&You're very welcome for that. (:
I'm not very sure what is it that I write here inspires you though,
but I'm glad it's able to make you smile,even though you're having a hard time now.
Thank you also for your encouragement at times through your comments.
So I hope you'll get through your hard times very soon too.



What about now,now that we're here?
now that we've come this far,why didn't you just hold on?

When I wish I was but,

This time,this place,misused,mistakes.
Too long,too late&who was I to make you wait?

What am I doing,its 3:21 am in the morning and I'm meeting beeps at 1 tomorrow.
Seriously,mind over matter? If you don't mind it doesn't matter,now how true is that?
Subconcious mind,the most powerful thing. But just how come,it isn't working.
Dreams,nightmares. Fuck hope,fuck them all. Life? Just one heck of bullshit.
I'm screwing up everything,or basically I already did. I seriously need to move the fuck on.
I shouldn't be bothered,I shouldn't care. But why is it,I can't just stand there and act like as if I don't care?
As just sometimes,you'll realise goodbyes are really forever. I really wished,they weren't.
Back to square one,isn't it?

Do you still remember when you used to tell me,"Love is the answer."
Because I still do&thats the reason why I've never really left,
the very fact why I'm still here.

With words that were never said,

Happy 18th Birthday,Joey. Hope you had the time of your life and hope this was a memorable day for you. (L)

Its 1:48 am right now,I've just finished uploading all of Joey's 18th birthday photos.
But the rest of the photos will be on fb,Joey would be uploading them.
Alright,so Friday morning I headed to Beeps place to help her and Troy with their phones,
left during the late evening to meet Joey and head down to Pasir Ris Coasta Sands.
Due to some misunderstanding of terms and conditions,I got a Nebo card. Thanks Joey (:
So only the few of us were there on the first night&we caught "Alien Resurrection"
Gross maximum,totally disgusting. Next day,ZZ came in the morning&all of us headed to www.
But,it had to rain heavily and they had to close the rides. Headed back to swim then bathed.
Uncle Troy helped to start the fire and we had food to eat! The rest of them came in the evening.
Jobaby,Clay,Jess&I headed home around 11. &Joey,thank you for the long talk last night.
Guess my "appear to be stonning" face doesn't apply to you,it was just a rush of memories.
&also to Big D for the talk early this morning.
Okay,so I missed church today. &Unintendedly missed ballet. Damnit.
Mummy was being a huge sweetheart today,I guess that she truely has her nice side too.
So,I shall head to bed now. Too much to think about and I'm really tired.
Goodnight/morning sweethearts,sleep well. I hope,no more nightmares.

&To V,I know whatever I did was wrong. You have all the rights to hate me.
I don't expect you to forgive me or whatsoever,I would just like to tell you I'm sorry.
I apologise,for saying things I shouldn't.But I did that,all because I was concerned.
It may not seem to you that way,but then so be it. Whatever the case,I'm just going to apologise for my wrongs. I'm sorry.


Day 1,

Birthday Girl.



























Day 2,






















































































So please tell me darling,why you're so far away when I need you beside me tonight.
Just when I needed you,but I know I shouldn't be anymore.
But somethings I just can't control. &I'm losing myself,entirely.