Saturday, February 27, 2010

I'd like to make myself believe,that planet earth turns slowly.

I'm weird cause I hate goodbyes.

Happy Birthday Grand!
With Love from all your grand-daughters & your youngest moronic grandson. (L)
Family day today,felt nice somehow. Its been sometime since I had this, (:
We had SAKURA for grand's birthday today,Logan Lerman is so cute.
Okay random,I know Adeline's gonna smile when she sees that,ha!
Alright,the food was awesome as usual. &today FB is being a bitch for me to upload photos.
Well,church tomorrow again,plus ballet. &I'm meeting Joey tomorrow! yay. (:
Okay I feel like a noob now,haha fuck. Damn dumb but ah well.
Sentence of the day "Sean De Mowon" (Y) Vivian loves this.
I think I should head to bed now,I'm so dreading lessons. Why? ):
Ah fuck it. Goodnight world. Love you sweethearts of mine.

You never did,did you?
Guess not. FML


You don't need me at all,don't you?

Ah fuck.

Sad Tango,

Alot of things ran through my mind today
More than half of it,consisted of you.

Had a lovely though very sleepy day today,
Jobaby's house in the morning to do her hair for her,
FEP later on to do her hair also,met up with Big D!
And also,the long lost Houster Phua. (:
Came home early as usual,but damn it I'm damn sleepy now alr.
So well,love all. Goodnight.

If only,but those were just dreams,
Half the time they don't come true,do they?
I really really dislike the way life is for me now,really.

I'm losing myself,bit by bit.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Forever and a day,

Mummy is a really huge sweetheart today,
Thank you mummy,I love you.

Tiny tiles session with Sam,newlove and Dad.
Over to Jobaby's house in the morning tomorrow,I have to head to bed soon.
Just done with today's session. I'm broke&sleepy.
My heart felt really really sour today,I'd like to know how are you&how you're doing.
But well,Goodnight earthlings,love ya'll. (L)

I remember the days we spent together were not enough,
and it used to feel like we're dreaming except we always woke up,
Never thought not having you here now would hurt so much.
Each and every step I take,leads me back to you,
&I fear when I'm awake,my dreams will not come true.
Now I'm picking myself apart I wanna be all I can be,
Cause in the puzzle of my heart you're the missing piece.

Was it ever the same for you,the way I'm feeling blue?
If hurt is missing you,then I'm doing too much of it lately.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Eyes closed,

Sleeping sounds like a good idea for now,
Keeps my mind of things. But fuck,its only for awhile.
So can I not wake up?

Lets bring it back,

&every little single thing about you.
Two is better than one,only when the two consists of me and you.

Pictures makes you miss the beautiful moments you had,
yes,those beautiful moments I had with you.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Life? Fuck it.

Cause my life is just nothing without you in it.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Everybody in love,

Every minutes like an hour,Every hours like a day,
Everyday lasts forever,but what else am I gonna do
I'd wait forever and a day for you,I'd wait up,wait up for you
I can't eat,I can't sleep what else could it be,missing you so deep.

Met up with Asshole today for dinner,finally caught up a little with her.
That dwarf. Ajisen for dinner,its been so god damned long since I had that.
Tamp mall for today,Tongzie,Joey&Zz's away for camp. I'm gonna be even more lonely.
Movie tomorrow with Jobaby I guess,Percy. Plan to head to the aiport with Mumsie today failed.
She had to go back to work last minute. Failed plans for today,super failed.
Screwed,just tell me how much more screwed my life can be. Already its as screwed as it is.
Fucked up life,life sucks,life's being a bitch to you,life sucks up all your energy to hold on.
Outing with Mumsie changed to Thurs,home early these few days. ):
I feel,sad. Like really really sad,my heart feels sour.
I need to get a life,life sucks so much right now. Fuck life.
Okay,blogger's being a bitch at uploading photos.
So is my keyboard,and my fucked up mouse. -.-
I suddenly wanna get my hair black again,fml.

11.50 pm,
Was scrolling through old photos moments ago,brought back so much,so much of memories.
Started August 2009 till dec 2009. how the starting of my 2009 was being a huge bitch to me,
how June was the best school holiday I had,ever.
How the last few months of 2009,were the best ones I had.
I miss those bits and pieces of my life,bits and pieces of those memories.
How everyone gathered together,how everyone had their share of fun.
Why are we all growing up so fast,if I had to choose,I'd want to live 2009 over and over again.
The same way I had it last year,the exact.same.way.

Do you remember,all the times we've had?
Lets bring it back,bring it back.
I don't want to love another,because there won't be another you.

Left breathless,

If our love was a story book,we would meet on the very first page
The last chapter would be about,how I'm thankful for the love we've had.

Caught Mr Sunshine with Joey today,failed trip once again.
Met up with Jobaby in the late afternoon,long day out.
Outing with Mummy dearest tomorrow,making a trip to the airport how nice.
Delivering Limyenton's things to her in the morning,I feel like her personal fedex.
I'm feeling so tired,muscles aching,mind swirling,heartaching,emotions swinging.
I need to learn to be a better girl,I'm so horrible. I'm such a disappointment,really.
Urgh,fuck everything. Fuck my god damned life,seriously. Fuck the world alright.
If I say that I'm fine,can you tell that its a lie?

Time folds away,but these small hours still remain.
"The world can take him away from you,
but they can never take away the memories you have with him away." - Jasmine.

The thing I feel is stronger than love,believe me.
You just don't know how very special you are.
You can't hear the pain I feel,you won't know.
The smile that hides a broken heart,oh god how fake it is.
(U) Literally crushed.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Its your heart that knows who loves you,not your eyes,nor your ears.

Life's getting real mundane,
everything seems to be moving either too fast,
too slow,or wasn't even moving at all.

Frolicks with new love,Joey&Zz on Saturday,chomps for dinner.
Had take-away size for frolicks,awesome much. \m/
Over to Punggol with Joey later on,then Huizi's house for awhile.
Churched today as usual,I'm sorry Mum,I'm just really really messed up recently.
Many things are on my mind,I'm not in the best of mood. I get angered easily.
My moods are not controlling itself,I don't have the energy to control it either,
Screw moodswings,so much things are going through my mind.
Dance,Work,School,Emotions and yes, you. Its all driving me insane,everything is.
I get upset over the littlest things lately,I get all moody out of nowhere,
I get angry at the slightest problems I'm faced with now,I feel so weak.
Dance today,I'm finally getting back on track with lessons,I need to stop missing them.
Every week it gets tougher,I need to train up. This years performance has to be better then last. 9am wardens over for a little gathering at our place today,Joey came over so did ZZ.

Gonna get some sunshine tomorrow,
I shall go head for bed now,early mornings. Dawn.
Every morning seems to be a torture,like a hurdle I have to get over without fail.
Still the first and last on my mind,never changed.
Goodnight all,sometimes its just because we ain't trying enough.
We give up when its gets tough,why didn't we just fight a little harder. Just why.

For Sale :
One broken heart. In horrible condition.
Will take anything for it.

Yes I'm smiling,but inside I'm dying.
So please, just cut it out of my chest.
So that the pain will go away.

On a side note,thank you Jasmine for sending me that sweet message. (:
It was really really sweet of you,we shall talk at ballet next time!
&its not weird,really. Its heart warming. (L)

If my voice could reach back through the past,
I'd whisper in your ear,oh darling I wish you were here.
I'd watch the night light turn light blue,but its not the same without you.
The silence isn't so bad,till I look at my hands and feel sad
Cause the spaces inbetween my fingers,are right where yours fit perfectly.

Where sometimes I'd still lie awake,missing you.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

You can't play on broken strings,

You can't feel anything,that your heart does not want to feel.
I can't tell you something that ain't real.
Oh it tears me up,I want to hold on but it hurts to much
I've tried to forgive,but its never enough to make it all okay.
Let me hold you for the last time,its the last chance to feel again.

Steamboat,Mahjong&Blackjack last night.
Jobaby,zehzeh,Jess and Kevin came over in the afternoon and left for UK funfair,
Joey,Zz,Sam,Pam&ZTB came over later in the evening.
Basically,had steamboat for dinner. Mahjong later on! (: then blackjack.
We need more sessions like these,I guess? Its a way to keep my mind off for awhile.
Something seems missing last night,I suppose it was you. Your pressence,everything.
I tried to keep my mind off you,it just somehow seems so difficult.
Even when I sleep,you appear in my dreams.&when I'm awake,
I'm back to reality coming to know you're no longer here with me,&it hurts.
I feel empty,my heart doesn't feel whole anymore. I know nothings gonna change,
everything's gonna just stay this way. But nothing makes me happier than seeing that you are,
nothing comes as close. My heart ached the other day,knowing you were drained dead tired,
and breaks my heart everytime to know you're unwell,
though I know its suppose to be non of my concerns anymore,
But I can't just sit there,knowing you're not doing good and feel nothing about it.
I look at our pictures,and realise how much we've gone through how we'd come so far.
and it hurts to know,what we've build has fallen to pieces and not wanting to fix it back.
We're leaving the lightbulb in the house to die,choosing to live in darkness,
Nothing can explain how much,how ever so much my heart aches.

Anything to numb the heartache? Please,please take my pain away.

So what do you do,when you see the one you love,just walk away?
Take good care of your health,it pains me to see you unwell each time,without fail.
&Yes,I love you ever so much. But I guess,I have,to let you go.
Though my heart yearns for you,I have to respect your decision.
Its so hard,to say goodbye. (U)
I just wished there was more than that,about me and you.
But in any case,you'll always be,my favourite boy.

Fav was being such a sweetheart,to drop me an offline message on msn last night.

Thank you Fav for your encouraging words,(L)

Two is better than one,
Only when,the two consists of you and me.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Hello Blogspot, Sam and I invaded flyaway-kisses. (:
Bye (L)

Vanilla Twilight,

The stars lean down to kiss you,
And I lie awake I miss you,
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere.
Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly,
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'll send a postcard to you dear,
Cause I wish you were here.

I watch the night turn light blue,
But it's not the same without you,
Because it takes two to whisper quietly,
The silence isn't so bad,
Till I look at my hands and feel sad,
Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly.

I'll find opposing new ways,
Though I haven't slept in two days,
Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone.
But drenched in Vanilla twilight,
I'll sit on the front porch all night,
Waist deep in thought because when I think of you.
I don't feel so alone.
I don't feel so alone.
I don't feel so alone.

As many times as I blink I'll think of you... tonight.
I'll think of you tonight.

When violet eyes get brighter,
And heavy wings grow lighter,
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again.
And I'll forget the world that I knew,
But I swear I won't forget you,
Oh if my voice could reach back through the past,
I'd whisper in your ear,
Oh darling I wish you were here.

Tired of tears,

Gotta fix that calender, cause when there's no more you,
There's no more anniversaries. I'm so fed up with my thoughts of you,
and your memories & how every song reminds us of how we used to be.

Thats why I'm so sick of love songs,so tired of tears
So done with wishing,you were still here.
Said I'm so sick of love songs,so sad and slow.
So why can't I just stop thinking about you anymore?

Crying to myself to sleep for the past 2 months,
and now its just gonna keep going on,till I stand up again
So how long more will I take this time?
Enough is enough. It makes trusting people so much harder now.
I'm done,letting people in to mess me up.
This time,I'm keeping my doors closed shut.
Goodbye,to love.

Thursday, February 18, 2010


I feel the fucking loneliness right now.
I'm back to crying myself to sleep again,again and again.

Face it Rachael,

Love is not possessive,loving someone is to see that someone happy.
If you are I will be. But are you?

To love is to let go?
Which of your words am I to believe now,
I don't have an idea,which of the words you meant.
Which of them were just lies,which of them were from your heart.
All I know was,everything I said I meant them and all of it came straight from my heart.

I'm lying to myself,lying to my heart.
I lie to myself that things are okay,when they are not and I fucking know it.
I pretend that I'm okay,when I know I'm not. I smile all day,but its fake.
If you want it this way,have it this way then.
Cause I guess all these while I've been lying to myself,that all along I've been fighting alone.
Fighting to save this love,all by my fucking self.
Wake up Rachael,you're doing all this alone. No one's doing it with you,
The world comes crashing down on me,I have to hold it myself. Every.single.time.

Everyone tells me its not the end of the world if you leave,
But to me it is the end,know why? CAUSE YOU ARE MY WORLD.
Nobody knows that,nobody feels me. Nobody can understand what I'm going through now.
To the world you maybe one person,but to me you are the WORLD.
I want to cry right now this instant,you'll never know how much of tears have flowed for you.
I can hardly breathe right now,do you even know?

So sick,so sick. So god damn sick and tired.
If you have to leave you have to leave,guess its the best for you.
Seems like I'm the only one holding on right now,I don't have a choice anymore.
You've made your decision. I only have a choice of accepting it.
Why do you want to force me to let go?

He isn't gonna fucking come back anymore,Rachael FACE IT.

If only you knew,how much my love was for you.
Nothing could ever,measure it. Trust me,it is that much.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Behind these hazel eyes,

If one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
&your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place where we meet
And you'll see me waiting for you at the corner of the street.

How can I move on when I've been in love with you,and still is?
Lets go back to where we first started,lets go back to where it began
Shall we?


&here I am,once again I'm torn into pieces.
Can't deny it,Can't pretend.
it just felt like you're the one.
I'm brokened up,deep inside.
&you won't get to see the tears I've cried.

So sick of love songs,so tired of tears.
So tired of wishing,you were still here.
I'm leaving in denial,I'm dreaming.
Everytime it happens. I've tried to pull myself away
Then thoughts of you comes in,and it pulls me back.
Just for some reason,I can't get over us.
This feeling I get when I'm with you,its something extroadinary.
How every song reminds me of how we used to be.

Do I really have to keep crying myself to sleep everynight?
I thought dreams were wishes you make with your heart.
After all they don't come true right? ): Disappointed.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

When CNY & Valentines suck,

The very photobucketish feel,Vivian captured on Candid.

Hello Dearies,looks like my hiatus from cyberworld didn't last long enough.
Guess,I'm just gonna share my new year and Valentines and leave again.
Okay I know it sounds pretty much pointless,but well.
So,today is Valentines and Chinese new year. &it fucking sucked.
Reunion at 3rd uncles place & Excelsior hotel.
Church today,Grand's place later on and home. Visits done today.
Andre got me addicted to a song called "Melody", Alden got me addicted to playing "If"

When your new year and Valentines sucked,all you need is them,somehow I guess.
Reunion at Excelsior.

Reunion at 3rd Uncles.

Vivian's photobucketish photos again.

The antidote,for simple happiness. You find it in them.
Thank you sunshines,for making my grey skies blue for today. <3

So basically,today sucked. So much so I can't find words to describe how much it did.
I feel the emptiness,I feel the hollowness inside my heart.
When you're not around,it just doesn't feel right anymore,don't know why.
Told myself I'd learn to be without you,then again when I think about how it was like having you around,
that thought just disappears,without fail. I don't know how,but it just does.
I wanna know,how are you. Cause I know I'm not doing fine without you,not at all.
Don't have a single idea what made you leave,don't have a single clue why it turned out like that.
When I don't talk to you,thats when I care the most. I've always did,never stopped.
Love seems so complicated,cause it consists of you and me. But in such a simple word.
This broken heart hasn't stop aching,my heart's screaming for you,can you hear?
Its the memories that really drive you insane.
Anyway,Happy Valentines and New year to all my darlings out there,
Hope my lovely couples had a sweet one,Valentines this year is so cold for me.
I don't feel the warmth in the celebration,just fuck my life that its never gonna turn out well.
Never did,but I cannot deny there was a point in life,where I should say,were the best.
Thats when you came in.
Goodnight sweethearts,Love ya'll. I'm leaving again.
Till then,with love Rachael.

If you live a hundred,I wanna live ninety-nine
cause I never wanna live a day,without you.
&in my menu of life,you're always "Today's special"
Its because you mean so god damn fucking much to me,
Everyone said,its not like as if its the end of the world,
But to me it is,cause you are my world.

I miss you,so much.

I'm living in self-denial,right?