Last of 2010,

Hihi all,its the last of 2010 today.

31st December 2010,Friday morning at Boyf's place. Right so today was pretty much of a lazy

day,spent the entire day home with baby. Finally watched "Avatar" straight through,then headed to vivo to meet Joey and wangzx up together with the two little ones. Sakae for dinz again,&I really think Boyf and I should stop having sushi addictions. I'm being robbed of my wealth. HAHA. Okay what wealth. Bullshit. And Gabriel wang,stop staring at me blog. Its really weird. He just tried to correct my english. Weird thing about now,he was digging out all his clothes and doing a mini fashion parade for me. HAHAHA. Think he cute. &now,he's lifting weights. I think I have the weirdest yet,cutest and also not to mention most adorable boyf alive. So aside from that,I think I'd like to do a long chunk post for each and everyone significant to me,this 2010.

Starting off,

My dearest and sweetest of all times,which also is my favourite boy of all.

We've come a long way and I think we both agree to that. From when we started off,being

nothing at all. When I couldn't make up my mind whether or not we would be. &Till I've finally

made up my mind that we would be something so different from everyone else. &where we've

come to where we are now. You've been really wonderful and more than I could've ever asked

for. Even though you're really weird at times,&I get dead annoyed with you. But I'm sure you

know I'll love you just as much. (: Thank you for being so wonderful this 2010,at least the

ending part of it. I love you.

For my one and only Jobaby,

Hi my baby,you've been awesome throughout the 5 years of this friendship and I know that

this friendship is something stronger then we think it is. For being there whenever I was

helpless and when I felt it was the end of the world. You taught me to be stronger,to learn to look

at things in a brighter side. Thank you for everything,I love you PPG.

Joey ewww Lau,

Hi Joey,I know we've only REALLY known each other for the past year and a half. But I'm really

thankful to have you as a friend and I must say its really nice. You've been great,for the past

year being there as and when I need a friend,you'd try your best to be there,for all the pain I

had to go through you were with me. At least I know,I finally have a friend I can count on more

or less. This year has been awesome with you. Thank you Joey, (L)

Wangzx!

Hi wangzx,Yes although we don't usually talk much,but more this year. &I really appreciate a

friend like you. Someone,who I can talk to when I really need someone in the middle of the night

since you're like pretty much the only one still left awake when the rest are early birds. HAHA

You've been awesome,someone I can talk to about DUNKS and HIGH CUTS and songs which

I can relate to finally. HAHAHA,not forgetting LIDS. Which has been really cool,KEEP ROCKING

WANGZX. \m/

Melissa Beeps Tan,

Hey beeps hey! Its ending 2010,I would like to thank you for being such an awesome part of

2010 although we don't really meet much and we hardly even see each other due to the different

lifestyles we lead. I still am greatful for having you being there again and again when times are

bad for me. When I'm a single lady and to bring nehneh into my life. WHICH I HAVE TO

MENTION,THAT HE IS SO DAMN FUCKING CUTE. PLEASE LOAN HIM TO ME FOR A DAY

haha,I'm totally kidding. But oh well,2010 has been awesome with you around. I love you beeps.

Sonia Bby Donahue,

Hi bby,its been great having to know you this year and getting to be closer and knowing each so

much more. Thankful for having you to be there to tell me I have to always MOVE THE FUCK

ON. Always giving me all the encouragement you could. Life would be weird without you,though cause you're always fucking noisy. Without you life would be terrible SILENT. but haha,you're

still as noisy as ever. But I still love you,PPG. (L) see you in 2011.

Samantha Caia Tan,Pamela Seah Bahu.

Hey guys,you both have made my 2010 a really great time in the early parts of it. Thank you

both for always being there to give me advices when I didn't know which road to take,or which

decision to make. Lending a listening ear when I needed it so much. Though we are no longer

hanging out together as much as we used to,but I'll always remember how much fun we had

when we did. &Its been a really awesome time,with you guys around. Thank you so much,

ai si ni men already. HAHA (: (L)

Lim Yenton,

TONGZIE! Hi I know you always say I'm very mean to you,I should stop being so vulgar

and always threaten me you'll tell your mum about it. But I still love you,& I think you should

know it. You as a friend I'll definately say you are one really HORRIBLY great friend. Irritate

me and yet always there for anything I need. Be it a friend or whatsoever. I love you&always

remember how I used to be so horrible by calling you at 7am and you'd still wake up no matter

what just to pick up my call and listen to me CRY LIKE A DOG. HAHA LUV CHEW OKAY.

But I'm not doing it again. HAHA

To those I haven't mention or have forgotten to. I love you all the same,&thank you for being

such an awesome part of my 2010. (L)

FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

You invade my dreams,camp out at the corners of my mind

and occupy my heart. &all that makes me happy. You know?

No longer,

Happy Birthday Mummy,its the 26th December today. I love you.

But that aside,I'm losing myself.

I don't know,what the fuck I'm doing anymore. Weak,so fucking WEAK. I don't even know if the

decision I made was the right one,every night is another hurdle to overcome. This isn't me,this

isn't what I intended everything to be. So confused,its like I'm lost. I see myself sinking into

something I'm so afraid of,I can't get a grip of myself. I'm losing all strength to hold on.

This is so mother fucking painful.

Vanished,

Christmas eve,&I'd probably don't feel any Christmas feeling at all.

2:01 am Friday morning,Good morning late birds. Its Christmas eve today and I feel so fucked

up. Which I probably don't know how to explain why I am,my Thursday was good. Met Joey

for Christmas shopping and Boyf after his work to have dinner and get Zach's gift. Sushi for

supper and I honestly think I should stop this addiction for Sashimi's and Sushi. This addiction

is taking my wealth away. HAHA what bullshit,I don't have any wealth to speak of in the first

place. I'm talking total crap. Life's been on a little up and a little down,my emotions have been

on a roller coaster ride and I have to admit. I've been really fired up. But to be honest,some

weren't intentional,some were.

Sometimes we wonder,why in life every one has two sides of their face. But often we don't think

back and realise,that we all FUCKING deserved it. Didn't we? Nobody is perfect and I'm sure

we all know that. But what else are we to do? Instead,we learn to see things perfectly by over -

looking the imperfections in life. But we often forget,sometimes what we don't get is what we

don't deserve. Sometimes,things happen. Because we made them happen. &yes everything

happens for a reason,and that reason,is US. But we don't want to admit and face the fact that

we are the ones that cause everything in our fucking lives to happen.

& I just realised,I'm the biggest idiot alive.

To think,that we shouldn't judge people by their past cause people change.

Yeah they do,but for the fucking WORST. What foolish thinking.

MOTHER OF MINE?

I don't know how I can fucking accommodate you. Thinking of accompanying you today and it

gets back fired. Then for FUCK!? I even bother. Wonder if it was someone else,would this even

make a difference to you. OR MAYBE? I'm just someone in your life that you brought here and

its just a mother fucking responsibility that you are taking care of me and you even bother

about me. FUCK YOU. Honestly what have I ever done,that you think its right. OR WAIT,do you even bother to take a look anyway?

I AM SO MOTHER FUCKING SICK AND TIRED OF YOU DOING THIS TO ME. I'M NOT

SOMEONE YOU BRING HERE JUST TO FUCKING VENT YOUR ANGER OKAY, I'M NOT

YOUR FUCKING VENTING MACHINE.

WHAT THE FUCK MAN!?

I honestly hope that,everyday gets better.

Falls right into place,

"Have you ever thought,wouldn't it be nice to be with the one you love and spend every single

day without a quarrel and there were no differences between you both that you have to get

over or sort out? &How you'd envy couples that never quarrel before. But in fact,I've come to

realise couples who tend to quarrel are the ones most in love. Why? because they bother to

notice the little problems between one another and they bother to WANT to make it right. "

Hello blogger,today is the 22nd December 2010 currently 1:23 am.

&Today is Wednesday,officially 3 days away from Christmas. &This week has been rather good,

I suppose? Saturday met up with Jobaby and Jess due to plans being cancelled for going to

grand's place. Sunday was one heck of an awesome day,met boyf in the afternoon&waited for

him to get his stuff done and we headed back home together. It was a "I have no idea what time

is it,and I totally don't care and no one can contact me cause I don't have a phone with me" day.

No phones,no watches. Just Boyf,money,jackets, fbt's,slippers,glasses,myself & we're out at Nex

mall. Catching the last half an hour at Sushi Tei to have sushi. Found a totally awesome new shop

to buy sashimi and headed home& watched movies "Last Quater" and "The curious case of

Benjamin buttons." Monday was packing up day,spend the entire day lazing around and the

evening packing up the room and a little cleaning with boyf. Watched movies again,Funshion

you are GOD of movies. After that boyf and I got a little hungry,so we had midnight blading to

macs to get our supper! Which was really awesome,kinda gets me stucked on blading to get to

where I want to now. Somewhat,addicted. (: &I kinda like it that way. &Today,got boyf home

and we headed out to meet Jobaby and finally get to meet the little Scottie boy (: &Caught

"Tron Legacy" today&it was a pretty good movie.

Oh well,tomorrow? I'm not sure whats up. But I do hope its a good day. I'm so lack of photos,

I need to send my cam for servicing ASAP. Or I'll die with this blog of fully written words with

the lack of so much photography. So alright y'all,have a good Wednesday. Love you guys. (L)

I feel so useless. Damn it.

I am falling completely apart.

Its difficult to know,how it feels to be so torn apart. I hate this feeling of being so fucked up,
I don't know how to react in situations like these. I'm not picking on things,but after all I've
gone through,it just makes it feel so much harder to make it seem like nothing has ever
happened. I find it fucking difficult to. It happened once,its happening twice. People might not
see this side,but definately I do and I see it better than anyone else has. I feel like I'm the worst
ever,but then again. I have reasons for doing so,do you know?

No one is perfect&that is completely true. We learn to over look everyone's imperfection and see
them as perfectly as we could. But is it all that easy to just over look them? I'm trying my best,
I'm trying so hard. Just to know,that all these while. I'm building the bridge to cross back over,
and there you are breaking it. Like deliberately wanting me not to cross back over.

Everyone has a limit and so do I. Me not saying a thing,doesn't mean I'm perfectly fine with it.
&this is stretching my limit more than its suppose to be. I'm just practically lost for words with
you. I am very upset,I cannot see things the way they used to anymore. You broke it once,
broke it twice. This is the third time. I really cannot see myself pretending that all of it has never
happened ever before. I really wished I could just pretend I never knew,I could pretend I'm
hearing things. I wish I could pretend you don't really mean it. Cause to me,you absoultely mean
every word you say.

I really wished you were kidding,but after going through twice of the same thing. I don't have
faith in myself saying you are,anymore.

Is it just me,or is it really you?








Can you hear how this heart aches? My heart hurts like no one's fucking business.
I fucking hate myself. )':

When there's nothing left to hold,

&Occasionally,I will find myself just like that.

Uncontrollably weak,worned out and tired.

Torn apart,left alone. Plain and purely WEAK.

I can't control my emotions as much I used to anymore. &To tell the truth,my heart hurts.

To know I can only cry in silence,but just sometimes I wished I could cry so hard out loud,

to let the world know just how bad my heart hurts sometimes.

With pages left unfolded,

For faith and love will keep us strong,when everything else goes wrong.
&your heart is free,and hope comes back to life.


4:23 pm,Friday afternoon&I received early Christmas gifts! Awesome much? \m/
This totally reminds me,Christmas is just round the corner in 8 days. &I got a new maid for
my present! HAHA okay,I'm totally kidding. Double A's maid came over to stay,cause they're
freakin going to hokkaido for their freakin holidays! Gonna head out soon to pick boyf from work.
&maybe catch "the next three days" later with Joey and wangzx. That's my Friday for you,
hope you guys have a good Friday ahead. Oh come on,it's fucking Friday! Damn.
Not working this entire week and it seems like the week just came to an end with a blink of an
eye. Monday was work,Tuesday was a little messed up. Wednesday,went for Ice skating with
Baby and Family,and did I mention,Zach is really adorable? (: Thursday was a little messed up
too but once again I have to say this,closing in MSC hasn't been so much fun since then,and we
totally made a record last night. Awesome closing,with the gang. &Today? I pretty sure it'll
turn out just good,I guess. (: Alright I'd better be heading to prepare to leave soon.
Love you guys. (L)

Say it again for me,

cause I love the way it feels

when you are telling me

that I am the only

one who blowed your mind.

Say it again for me,

its like the whole world stops to listen,

when you tell me you're in love.

Seah Bahu,

Oh yes,Happy Belated 19th Bahu!

Hope you like your 9yr old giraffe cake we designed for you.

_|_

Honestly,I hate the fact that I'm doing all the mother fucking work for you.
AND YOU ALWAYS GIVE ME BULLSHIT.

Y'know what? Fuck you,I quit.

More than just a prayer,

Monday,13th December 2010. Currently 1:50 am.
Back to work in a few hours time,I'm dreading it. Very much. Sunday has been good,
to me at least. Jobaby is finally flying back today,feeling a little anxious to see her. (:
So it was Boyf's grandmother's Birthday celebration last night,with the family.
Which was rather heart warming,even though its simple celebration. This weekend has
been a little roughfor me,emotionally. Let's just say,I'm emotionally weak. Nevertheless,
baby made my week as fruitful still. Shoe shopping with him today,&I should say he's a
happy boy now! Finally got a new pair of bad ass shoes,which honestly,looks really awesome.
The week ahead,would be much better I suppose. However,I'm having slight monday blues.
Oh work,how much I dread you.

I wanna be a billionaire,so fucking bad.

Alright,Goodnight sweethearts. Have a great week ahead,love y'all. (L)

If we believe,

&Today is Sunday,the 12th of December 2010.

Good afternoon December 12,I'm home again. With a million thoughts in mind,

the heavy heart that never fails to bring me down,and I'll soon lose myself.

I've been spending the night thinking,how else I could've been better. I don't remember

myself being like this. This bad,to begin with. I'm screwing things up with my very own

hands,&in return? I get what I obviously don't deserve,too good to be true.

I suppose? I'm starting to hate myself,looking in the mirror. And I ask,"Who is this?"

I don't even recognise myself anymore,and that scares me.

&You feel like giving up,cause you don't fit in down here.

And when fear comes crashing in,can I close my eyes and take your hand?

&Just maybe someday,we'll know how perfect we are,for each other. I guess.

We can be the kings and queens of anything,if we believe.

Its written in the stars that shine above. A world where you and I belong,

for faith and love will keep us strong.

&I just hope,I'll find the courage

to be strong enough by then.

For the one and only,

Radio spoil Knn,sibeh kp Sonia Donahue,my Bby.

I know you're leaving for Rome tonight,and you're only returning next year in Jan.
I'll miss you and your radio spoil times,plus your ultimate NOISE POLLUTION.
Have a great trip over,remember to bring me back some angmoh boys,(HAHA KIDDING)
Don't try to bring back the Pope to show how holy you are,cause it doesn't work.
Half hour petition service means half hour petition service,don't keep saying is MASS.
Haha alright,definately gonna miss you,much. Have fun,love you and get your ass back in
SG asap. (L)

The puzzle piece I've been trying to find,

Today is finally Saturday,which means Jobaby will be back in almost one and a half day's
time! (: Hurry back alright baby,fucking miss you. ): And finally,my blog skin feels so
back to normal again.

Maybe you know what? I'm the worst girlfriend alive. I know okay? I'll fuck off.

What on fucking earth did I do wrong?!

For faith and love will keep us strong,

Distancing ourselves to find out if its time we can sit down and talk calmly.
Without having to scream the second with open our mouths to speak. Its been exactly
3 days we haven't spoken to each other. Came home today and the you're asleep again.
Well,this week has been average. Although I've spend it pretty much with boyf, and also
work as usual. But specially on Tuesday with my ballerina's. This week is Boyf's exam week,
but it ends on Friday. &Also Baby's mum is coming home today,welcome back to Sg Aunty! (:
Okay back to work tomorrow,or should I say later. Morning shift with Joey. I am chewing
on maggie noodles right now,while my boss just told me to sleep early. Looks like I've joined
the "Always late for work" group.


So I was flipping through some of the photo albums in fb,
and I found really old photos that I've never seen nor remember taking.

And also the past week's photos,

Haha so whut? Life's good. (:
Good night sweethearts. (L) Have a great Thursday ahead.