In my Wonderland,

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense.

Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn’t.

And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn’t be.

And what it wouldn’t be, it would. You see?
-Alice in Wonderland, Walt Disney.

You are happier,are you? At least you should be. =/

Till this day,all of it was just part of my wishful thinking,

of dreams and wishes that never come true.

I am always dreaming of the impossible,wishing for the impossible to happen.

Good job Rachael,its not happening. So stop fucking wishing for it to happen,bullshit.

This world is so fucking full of bullshit,just when I thought life was back on track,

I was happy,finally I have a goal in life. Someone I am happy to be with,

and boom! I'm back to square one,of where I was before. Everything was just a lie.

I was decieving myself,the whole god damn time.

Back to putting the shattered pieces of my heart together alone again,how great.

Keeps breaking and breaking and breaking and breaking. Just fuck my life alright.

Boy I wished,everything would be like it was before. But then again,I know its NEVER going to happen. So well,everything was just self denial. Goodnight world,I think I'll just have to cry myself to sleep again. Cause I guess there's nothing else much I can do,

&thats me,at the moment,or should I say long time ago.

There has never been a doubt,in my mind that I've ever regret having you by my side.

Hope? Think again.

I've lost all hope for Sunshine after the rain,
because it has been raining inside my heart ever since,
and has never stopped.

What about today,

We were as one,for a moment in time
&it seemed ever lasting,that you would always be mine.
Now you wanna be free,so I'm letting you fly
Cause you know in my heart,our love will never end.


Had my date with Roxy Baby today,caught "Alice in Wonderland."
Went to customize our cake,Marina to meet Jobaby up.
Day was rather,fine. Everywhere I went,I had something to remember.
Supposingly gonna get some sunshine again tomorrow,oh well.
I'm really really tired. I'm being rebelious today again,I am very sorry Mummy.
Maybe I'm losing it,losing myself altogether. I'm falling apart,like literally.
Why can't I just be more understanding to everything&everyone,
I'm so fucking insensitive,damn it. Can't wait for dinner with Angela on Sat,
& God-ma's birthday lunch on Sunday. I finally get to see my sunshine's again.
Just so I've realised,I've never really let go,nor moved on. I'm standing still,not moving.
How long more,is this heart gonna ache? I feel really really depressed. Goodnight all. ):
You wanna be free,so I'm letting you fly.
Cause I've always believe,your decision was the best for both of us,
I believe,that decision was able to make you happy. At least.


You'll never know dear,how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away ):

Unbeautiful,

Don't hang up,can we talk? So confused,its like I'm lost.

What went wrong,what made you go?

Caught "Valentines Day" With Sam,Newlove,Joey&ZZ on Tuesday,

Sun,sand and water with Joey&it was fruitful,finally. (:

Today,out with ZTB,Zeb,Vicky&Dad.

Tomorrow gonna head out with Roxy Baby&Jobaby.

Hmmm,Dear John. Anyway,today was rather..mundane. Again.

Life seems to be going like a boring pace,everything is slow&boring.

Nothing can actually make me happy for the entire day now.

Nothing at all&thats really really sad. &thanks HP for your concerns today (:

I feel like really,upset. Like really really upset today,I don't feel right at all.

I came pass alot of things today that brings back alot,alot of memories.

Once again,yes its memories of you. I said I've let go,I'm moving on. But really,am I?

or have I? I will always come to a strong reason of why I should let go,&move on.

But then again,I come to realise I have a thousand and one reasons to stay on,and hold tight.

What is it like for you now? I really don't know.

How are you doing now? I really really,don't know.

What else is there left for me to do? What else am I left with anyway?

I miss you a million out of the sudden. Exceptionally much more today.

It was never me,right? Never at all. Never for me,never was me,never gonna be me.

Nothing was for me anyway,I suppose. I don't know what I'm thinking right now,

My mind is in a fucking huge mess. I've tried to neaten the mess up,but it just gets worse.

Where you'd go,I miss you so.

I'm starting work soon I guess,ZZ has done the application for me. Thanks ZZ (:

Might be taking up instructing at De laselle Primary for camp also,cause sunshine's there. (:

Busybusy schedules,plus practices. Means gonna miss one entire week of work.

My heart feels so God damn heavy. Just why is it so difficult,just why.

Why is it so difficult to be happy,where's my little miss sunshine gone to?

If only,things were what they used to be. Just when I was the happiest girl on earth,

and stop right there. &I wished,time never moved on from there. Just frozen,to let me

remember the wonderful moments we shared. Keep them forever etched in my heart.

When crying only helps,when there's nothing else you could do.

I feel so helpless,useless. Not strong at all,cause I can't fucking take the pain.

Goodnight world,I just hope all my tomorrow's will be a better day.
&Thank you mummy,for being a sweetheart today,again. Love you.

L is for the way you Look at me,

O is for the only One I see,

V is very very,extraordinary,

E is even more than anyone that you adore

& Love is more than I can give to you,

Love is more than just a game,for two

Two if love can make it,take my heart but please don't break it

Love,was made for me and you.

Reminders to myself,

Passion Fruit stickys from Sam! (L)

As usual,I spend my entire day rotting home today.

Sam and New love came over in the night today&we had pizza for supper.

Tanning later on with Joey,Sam and ZZ! (: Mr Sunshine pleaseeeee be there.

I need need need to get tanned later,I don't want to look sickly YELLOW. =/

Monday was much of a,on the lappy,on the phone and on the bed sleeping day.

Saturday there's gonna be dinner with Angela&Friday outing with Cuzz.

Wed out with Zhou&Sam. Jobaby,lets go swimming on Thursday then (:

Alrightos,I'm heading to bed now or else I wouldn't be able to wake up on time again. lol

Goodnight Dearies,lets hope every new day will be a better day for all of us.

&I hope,your days are okay and you're doing fine,having happy days.
There's this feeling in me that I can't describe,feels weird. Upset and yet,I don't know.

"Dear God,I wished it was easy being happy because I'm really really sad.

&I wished life was a little happier too,cause mine seems so bad. Love,Rachael. "

Find me an antidote to happiness,I miss Sunshine. He hasn't been back for 2 weeks. ):

Hope he comes home this Sunday. &I'm kinda excited for ballet again,yay its back. (Y)

Oh well,oh well,oh well. Even though I pretend that I've moved on,you'll always be my Baby.

Ahh,Sam's not going later. =/

My all time favourite, (:

&I'd tell myself to stop missing you,

but I just can't no matter what I'd do.

Love is just but a dream,isn't this true?

Ballerina's I think these are the ones,

Alright I found the two videos Laoshi was talking about yesterday,
The Lilac Fairy and Don Quixote Kitri Variation.
I think i got the right ones if I'm not wrong (:
Both of them are rather challenging,okay I'm stuck between both now. =/

Lilac Fairy Variation,



Don Quixote Kitri Variation,


Laoshi's version,

Beautifully imperfect,

Filled up with our stories,of how we got to me and you.

Hi,I'm officially sick. Today is a Monday,everyone's not free for me. ):
Stay home Monday,awesome no? Fuck,life is really really really boring.
Stale&Mundane,plus its so fucked up. Gonna be super jamed packed with activities soon!
Work plus peformance practices,gosh alot to catch up with on lessons!
Pointe work for performance this year,plus solos. Oh great.
Anyway,headed out with Joey today (: fell asleep at her mum's,auntie send me home again.
Alright,gonna head to bed now. Hi runny nose&cough,you're here to get me.
Goodnight Dearies of mine. (L) Hope ya'll had a great weekend.
&By the way,today was just plain crap. Today was a bad day,not good at all.
Hearts not good,minds not good,everythings not good.
Out of sight,out of mind is bullshit. More like out of sight,more in mind. fml

Photos at Jobaby's place,



How no one could be so beautifully imperfect,like you.
&how loving you,was the happiest thing to do.