"Upset aren't you? Well here's a little secret, things don't always go your way. Holding onto something so tight will only have you end up with nothing but two fists. What's yours will always be yours, what's not yours will never be even if you stole it."

Magic, Madness, Heaven, Sin.

It's Saturday morning right now, I'm left with less than 8 hours of sleep before I head out to teach in the morning, but what felt like an eternity long from 12am to 3am. Honestly, a home is where the heart is. Where everything is transparent and we share this unconditional love. Even when the days get tough you know you can come home to somewhere nothing else matters and you're loved all the same.

But lately, its been a struggle to go by a day not dealing with unhappiness. Though I really wish it would stop now, but I know its going to be hard. And if it does take all of me to piece back my family together, I am all out for it. I just want my family back.

I'm not unhappy, honestly. Just more disappointed.





Side note,
"If you can't handle someone at their worst, you sure as hell don't deserve them at their best."

Nobody's perfect, so don't expect them to be.






Still have to be utterly thankful for what I have, for the support I get to carry on. Its nothing big or fancy, but to me its everything.

Have to crash now, long day ahead later on. Goodnight lovely ones, have a great weekend. X

The truth is,

"He's everything you every wanted."

"She's perfect for you."

Think again,

Spent Friday night with my toilet, well. Perfect way to end my Friday. Should have listened when I was told the soup tasted funny, but nope. Me and my smart pants decided it's only going to taste funny if I think it tasted funny. 

So here I am now lying in bed with a bad tummy, and an uncharged phone. Fantastic. 

I really should have an extra wire at home. Having an amazing start to your SATURDAY huh Rachael? FML. 

But seriously thank god for comfort hoodies.

Live twice,

"Don't leave now, not yet. 

That what I, regret. 

Please forgive me, if I didn't say 

that I love you, every single day. 

&I'm sorry, somehow I only, wanted to make you proud. 

If I could only let you know, I'd give up everything I own

for just one more day with you, there's nothing I wouldn't do.

How could I let it pass me by, I'd make every sacrifice 

to bring me back your love, if only we could live twice. 

If only we could live, twice."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friday afternoon, 16th January 2014. 12:41pm.

Sometimes, we think we know what the problem really is but in reality, we don't. I hate to admit this but sometimes, we have to think the problem basically just lies, with ourselves. No one is perfect, and people make mistakes. Still we always deny us the basic respect to admit that we're the ones with the flaws.

Module CBTS 401 is driving me a little crazy, but I think I really needed the time off to type out what I've been thinking over the past few days. Its crazy really, how drastic changes can be sometimes, one moment you think "this is it." the next, before you know it, it isn't.

Being in love is crazy, cause it heals you and breaks you all at the same time.




Don't you just wish, that people don't think twice?
Well, here's an answer, they do. Because they're uncertain.

Never be too sure you think what you have is what it is.
Things change, so do people.

I've seen the world, done it all, had my cake now. 
Diamonds, brilliant and Bel'air now. 
Summer nights, mid-july when you and I were forever wild. 
The crazy days, city lights, the way you'd play with me like a child. 

Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful?
Will you still love me when I've got nothing but my aching soul?
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?

I've seen the world, lit it up as my stage now
Channeling angels in, the new age now
Hot summer days, rock and roll
The way you'd play for me at your show
And all the ways I got to know
Your pretty face and electric soul.

Every soul will find, another soul to love.

“They asked me for drugs,

I told them about your smile.”

So many things have happened in such a short period of time, I'm still trying to figure out what has really been going on. My mind is in a mess and so am I, love is a really simple word yet made complicated by human minds. Hearts, made to love yet break at the same time.

There is no blame and no fault at anyone nor anything. Everything does, happen for a reason. Not everything was meant to have an answer to or a explanation to, and I understand. In this life, every soul is meant to find another soul to love.

Everyone just wants to find someone to love, because loving makes you a better person because you want to be the better person for the one you keep in your heart. Some people will be lucky enough to have met the love of their life (as cliche as it sounds), some people just never do or take forever to. So be thankful, count your blessings. Finding someone you can/would do everything and anything for and tell yourself no matter what, it'll always be worth, it isn't easy. I'm glad to say I have and had. Real true, heart and soul touching love isn't easy to come by. So treasure the people who you love & love you, they deserve the best in this world.

"To love is nothing, to be loved is something.

To love and be loved is everything.

I am nothing, you are something.

& I would love to be your everything."

You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed

Sing like a bird, dizzy in my head 

Spin like a record, crazy on a sunday night

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe

shine like gold, buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild,

oh you make me smile. 

I don't know how to live without you, cause everytime that I get around you

I see the best of me inside your eyes, you make me smile.

Day 6,

"Sometimes, what you think is yours isn't actually yours."

Received this bracelet as a christmas gift three days ago, and it has been a reminder for me day and night that in life you'll always have to be humble and hopeful whatever the situation. I had never heard of this bracelet until it was given to me, so I went to google what it really meant.

Sometimes you’ve hit a low, 

Stay Hopeful.

A few years ago, I found myself in a moment of sadness, for my grandfather who had recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. The black bead of the lokai bracelet holds mud from the Dead Sea to represent this moment, when I felt at my lowest point. - Mud from the Dead Sea.

Sometimes you’re on

top of t world,

Stay Humble.

Yet at the same time, I was struck by a feeling of immense gratitude for where I was in my life. The white bead of the lokai bracelet carries water from Mount Everest to represent this moment, when I felt like I was on top of the world. - Water from Mt Everest.

Life is full of joy and sadness, and we can all relate to its highs and lows. I hope that lokai will remind you to stay balanced and centered along your journey.

-Steven Izen, Founder of lokai

Steven Izen was the founder of the Lokai Bracelet, I could not agree more to his theory and the meaning to this bracelet. Someone special to me gave this to me and it will always hold a special meaning in my heart. It is the most meaningful gift one could ever ask for, thank you. 

Complicated as it gets, I hope this madness will end soon.



Aside, I spent Sunday evening with the family out to the Botanical Gardens for an SG50 event, our cousin was performing that night and we all headed down to support her. and she was amazing. Of course not forgetting the little cutie pie that came with us as well. I stole the pictures from cuzzie's blog, in case you don't already know she's top 5 singapore's hottest mom bloggers! Super proud of her (':

Memories,

"I know, it's hard to love a person who has hurt you so much.

I don't expect you to. 

& I understand if I'm not the one you'd want to spend the rest of your life with."

As we move on to our next phase in life, I just want you to know I'll always be so blessed to have had you. Will always be this blessed to have had you to love me, care for me and be there for me when I was a broken soul.

"It's hard to know what was once yours is no longer. Those warm hands you once held, those arms you fall asleep in. 

Those eyes you look at to say good morning beautiful and good night. But nonetheless, they can take the person away from you but they can never take the memories. 

The hurt, cannot be explained. But as I promised, I'll be okay and I'm only wishing the best for you.

Whoever you see now, shall no longer be my fear, the nightmares I wake up to and the hurt I feel right in my chest and the trembles I get. 

Be happy and may this part of your life be the best part. 

I love you, forever and a day more. 

Until the day I can learn how not to. 

You'll be okay. Always."

It'll hurt, for a very long while. I only hope it'll be better on your side. Our love was real, everything was. And like you, I would never trade anything for it. Unfortunately, all these had to come to an end. The beautiful dream, I was unprepared to wake up from and the memories I'm not ready to push away.

May your future be as bright as your smile, & promise me you'll bring that smile wherever you go and whatever happens. May it bring happiness to the next lucky girl, who'll be able to experience the warmth you bring to others and the abundance of love you can give.

Maybe, next time, when we're older we'll be better for one another. Maybe then, I'll be able to love you right, or perhaps be perfect for you. X


I hope you'll always remember me, but its okay if you don't.

Inbetween now and then, till I see you again

I'll be loving you, love me. 

Rachael.